i'll do better next time
i remember we got pizza near where i used to live. I think we talked about people who say conservatism is the new punk rock and how they wish they were like us. How their world has changed.
Cisgender, heterosexual, patriarchial, hierarchal...I laughed a little. I wonder what it must be like?
You chuckled,
I think,
Not as much.
How do you say your name again?
Earlier that day i drank a cocktail,
One half ounce longing, a splash of Sadness, joy from the bottom of a barrel.
I wasnt very funny today, too tired and a little hungover. I'll do better next time.
I wanted to hold hands, but your side of the table was so far away.I feel warm when you say my name, but its been awhile since i heard it and even then it was the wrong one.
I wasnt very interesting, strung out and uncertain, im just not here today. Ill do better next time.
Every year that passes another leak springs from my mind. Somehow i cant strain those uncomfortable, chunky memories from this porous brain. the one who said she only cuddled with her mother, the girl whose enthusiasm scratched my favourite LP, the boy who fit like a dirty sock...
ours feel small, subtle and unassuming i worry if they could slip through the cracks, how your hair used to scratch my face, your staccato breath under searching hands, the brightness you carried through every doorway.
Too often i cant remember any of these. I'll do better next time.